Friday, January 12, 2007

Hesitantly Excited

It seems like the folks in Hollywood are trying their best to ruin every one of my favorite childhood shows. Every show that I watched and loved as a kid has been turned into a crappy movie. It's really starting to bug me.

When I was a little boy, I liked The Dukes of Hazzard. I had Dukes underroos (and my parents have a picture to prove it), I had a Dukes playset and a couple of General Lee matchbox cars. I think I had a Dukes lunchbox at one point. When the Bo and Luke got in trouble, I would turn to my brother and say "Are the Dukes in trouble again, Jared?" So yeah, I thought the Dukes were the coolest guys in the world.

So the summer of 2005 rolls around, and I see a commercial with the General Lee flying through the air and someone shouting "Yeeee haaaaaaw!", and it got me excited. The Dukes were on the big screen. Woo hoo! At least, that's what I thought before I found out Johnny Knoxville was playing Luke Duke. I saw the movie anyway, and was unsurpirsingly disappointed. They ruined The Dukes of Hazzard for me.

Before that, in the summer of 2003, the gigantic disaster that was Hulk was made. Everywhere you went you saw Hulk cereal, Hulk oreos, Hulk action figures. I thought that it was kind of cool because when I was a kid, The Incredible Hulk was my main man. I loved the Hulk. I had Hulk underroos (what is it with putting stuff you like on underwear, by the way?), I remember having a Hulk puzzle. Sometimes when I got mad I tried ripping my shirt off. I never actually saw Bruce Banner change into the Hulk because it freaked me out, but I still thought he was cool. I watched the movie Hulk once. Do you or anyone you know own a copy of Hulk on DVD? No? There's a reason for that.

Way cool.Don't get me started.

One of my favorite cartoons when I was a kid was He-man and the Masters of the Universe. I still have a box of He-Man action figures in my garage. The toys hada spring in their waste so you could twist them one direction, and they would punch. How cool is that? I don't quite recall what my underwear selection was like when I was in second grade, but I'm sure I had He-Man underroos. Of course since I liked He-Man, they made a Masters of the Universe movie back in 1987. I remember seeing this back in the day, but I'm sure it wasn't good. How could it have been good, Dolph Lundgren was cast as He-Man. You can't go from killing Apollo Creed to saving the universe from Skeletor just like that.

Given that history, you think I would be more guarded about my last favorite cartoon show, The Transformers. The Transformers are just awesome. They had the coolest toys, the coolest cartoon show, they were just awesome. So of course, Transformers the movie is coming out July 4th.

Have I learned my lesson from the previously mentioned movies? Of course not. I think the trailers look cool, and I'm excited about the movie. What could go wrong? I'm going to buy my boys Transformers underroos, lunchboxes, and toys just for fun. If the movie stinks, oh well, at least the toys are cool.

Where was the Star Wars Transformers Deluxe Millennium Falcon when I was a kid? Guess what Peyton's getting for his birthday.