Tuesday, June 19, 2007

4 going on 15...apparently.

It has been way too long since I have posted a funny story of something my kids did. I blame it on the pregnancy that has made me lose my sense of humor, but I guess I got it back. Here's a little story 'bout a girl named Andi I thought you might enjoy.

On Sunday, Andi wore her pretty new blue dress that she got for my brother's wedding. (I think you can see a picture of it in an earlier post.) Anyway, it has a belt that ties in the back, that is not held securely in place by anything. It had come untied, and Peyton, being the curious fella that he is, decided to see what would happen if he pulled on it. Well, of course it came off the dress, and fell to the floor. Andi was livid! She looked at Peyton, and said "look what you did! You RUINED it!" I thought this was funny enough, but then she turns to me, puts her hands on her hips, and says: "Maaaawm (long drawn out mom)deal with your son!" I was laughing too hard at how grown up she sounded to worry about disciplining her about her tone. I have no idea where she could have heard that phrase before:) Oh, wait. I suppose she could have heard me say it to Cameron...once.

Monday, June 18, 2007


So, for father's day, Sam got me a couple of cool gifts. She got me a t-shirt that says "A wife, 3.5 kids, and a minivan... I make it look GOOD!"

Oh yeah, for those who don't know, Sam's pregnant again. Oops. She's due December 8th, and could be induced as early as November 28th. We'll keep you updated as needed.

Anyway, the other thing she got me was a cool watch that has a picture of her and the kids in the face. Here's a link to where she got it from. I think it's pretty cool. I wore it to work and showed off my cool time piece to my jealous co-workers. "Ha ha, my wife is cooler than yours!"

At one point during the day, I was walking through the parking lot on my way to another building. Being the big clutzy lughead that I am, I bumped into a car. It was mainly my left wrist that bumped the car. When the bumping happened, I heard a crack, and I thought "What the heck was that?" I looked at my new watch, and I had cracked the face of it. D'oh!!!

It takes a special kind of person to break a watch less than a week after he gets it. That special person is me. If my kids are ever told "Your dad is so stupid, he got hit by a parked car!", they can't deny it.

I'm hoping that I can get the face of it fixed somewhere. If not, I'll have to listen to my annoying co-workers asking what time it is for a while.

Sunday, June 17, 2007

Supersize the Fries For the Little Woman

Yesterday was our seventh anniversary. I went all out and took Sam to Wendy's for dinner. I even let her Biggie Size her fries and drink. I'm a great husband. I didn't even get in trouble for making that our anniversary dinner. Why? Because before dinner we went to a Kenny Chesney concert. It was pretty darn cool. Taylor Swift and Sugarland were the opening acts. Sam just bought the Taylor Swift CD, so she was excited about seeing her in concert. Sugarland was pretty good. I knew more of their songs than I thought I did. Kenny Chesney was pretty awesome.

The concert was at Pizza Hut Park, which is an outdoor soccer stadium. It was also raining, a lot. We got soaked. Sam's wallet was in the back pack that we took. The money that was inside her wallet was soaking wet. Even though it was raning that much, we had a lot of fun. Now I need to get Sam to stop calling me Kenny.

Here are some pictures we took.

This is the view we had from our seats. Pretty good, eh? We ordered the tickets the first day we could, so we had a pretty good view. The blonde lady that's in the picture that was in front of us was hammered even before Taylor Swift started, so it was pretty funny to watch her try to stand on her chair when Kenny Chesney came on.

Taylor Swift's set was pretty good. I can't believe she's only 17 and is on tour.

As you can see I Was an idiot and didn't take a jacket or rain coat or anything. Brilliant! That's how wet I was before it really started raining.

That's just something they had up while they were setting up for Kenny.

Here's a picture of one of the big screens. He may be good looking with his hat on, but when he takes it off he looks like Gollum from "Lord of the Rings".

We could actually see him when all the drunk teenagers stopped standing on their chairs.

Friday, June 15, 2007

Usless Info

A while ago I added stuff to my Google home page that kind of looked interesting. One of the things I added was the "Wiki How to of the Day." I figured I might learn something cool, so I gave it a try. I am no longer giving it a try. Some of the "How to's" that were featured included:

Win at Rock, Paper, Scissors
Increase Your Lung Capacity
Survive a Long Fall
Fall Asleep
Make a Man Fall in Love With You (that one came in really handy for me).
Not Fall for Your Bestfriend's Boyfriend (also useful)
Be a Nude Art Model (the world does not need that)

The articles that seem like they might be interesting really aren't. I tell you, that wikihow site is a collection of useless mind numbing garbage, but that's my opinion. I have since replaced that useless information in my Google homepage with a "Chuck Norris Fact Generator", that tells you stuff like:

Love does not hurt. Chuck Norris does.
Newton's Third Law is wrong: Although it states that for each action, there is an equal and opposite reaction, there is no force equal in reaction to a Chuck Norris roundhouse kick.
If at first you don't succeed, you're not Chuck Norris.
When the Boogeyman goes to sleep every night he checks his closet for Chuck Norris.
Superman wears Chuck Norris pajamas.

I need a hobby that doesn't involve a computer.

Wednesday, June 13, 2007

Today in History

Ok, so it's nearly the end of today (June 13th), but I saw this weird entry on a "Today in History" thing.

1920: US Postal Service rules children may not be sent via parcel post.

I wonder if that means if you were a parent in 1919 that you could have shipped your kids to grandma's house for a week via USPS. If so, did they chrage by the pound, or the number of questions asked. "Let's see, Silent Bob there is going to cost you a nickel, but "Are we there yet?" Sally will set you back ten dollars."

Also today in history:

2007: I went to softball practice today. For some reason I thought I could do without strethcing or warming up, even though I haven't really ran in three years and I haven't swung a bat or thrown a ball in five years. I got home and went to pour myself a glass of water, and I had to have Sam do it for me because I couldn't lift the water pitcher. I'm afraid that I'll have to sleep on my computer chair because I don't know if my legs can lift my unreasonably large torso. Live and learn, I guess.

Saturday, June 09, 2007


I got to thinking about my brother-in-law that got married three weeks ago. If you've been around people who are about to get married or just got married, you may notice a sickening amount of affection displayed between the two. "Oh honey bumpkin, I can't stand to be away from you for ten whole minutes. Do you really need to use the bathroom?" and "My shmoopie is thre prettiest shmoopie in the world." Sickening. I'll admit, Sam and I were like that seven years ago. Who isn't? Time sure changes things. It's been almost seven years since we got married, and here are some of the differences between then and now. The differences are mainly because of the children.

Then: Sam and I flew on our honeymoon (to glorious Reno, Nevada by the way) on Southwest Airlines. We made sickening comments to each other about how cute it was that their logo has a heart in it. We calmly sat in the terminal, waiting for boarding to start. There we sat without a care in the world, just happy to be with each other. On the plane Sam read a book about being newlyweds and I, well, was probably checking her out the whole time. ;) I think I may have looked through the Sky Mall magazine at all the cool stuff. When we got to Reno, we strolled to luggage claim and picked up our one suitcase a piece and went about our merry way.

Now: Flying with children at best can go semi smoothly, and at worst can be one of the crappiest days ever. If you get to check in with all of your stuff and all of your children, consider yourself lucky because you not only have to pack your children around, you have to haul their stuff too. Those two or more extra suitcases, maybe a travel play pen, and the car seats. Then you have to go through security. Nowadays you have the added bonus of having to take of your shoes to get through, in addition to emptying your pockets and throwing away any liquids. So what if you get through the metal detector and one of your kids decides to take off running before you get your stuff from the x-ray machine? Well, you get the exciting thrill of running after a two year old while barefoot and beltless, which may become worse if your pants start to fall down. So lets say you get to your gate, all is well, right? No, you still have to keep an eye on the little farts because they could take off at any second. Then you get on the plane, which is fantastic because it's a confined space and you feel obligated to keep your children from screaming. The children can sense your nervousness, so they hold you hostage. "If you don't get me a juice box soon pal, I may grab that Sky Mall magazine and start ripping pages out and throw them at that nice lady in front of us. Don't make me do that." If you have young children and they need a diaper change, well, good luck in that lavatory. When your plane finally lands, you get to do all the airport stuff in reverse order. At the destination, you can luckily skip the airport security check, saving you the embarassment of losing your pants in two different cities.

Grocery Shopping
Then: We were one of those annoying couples who would walk around the store holding hands the whole time. We would take our time walking through each isle, just in case there was something down that isle that we may have wanted. I probably said stiff like "Do we need any honey, honey?" and "You are sweeter than this brown sugar, sugar." Making our way through the store stress free and not a care in the world.

Now: Grocery shopping with kids is not fun, even if they're being good. Sam and I usually Rock Paper Scissors to see who gets to take the annoying child to the car. I don't know what it is, but grocery shopping with the kids leave you feeling mentally and physically exhausted. Maybe it's the constant bickering between the kids, or having to play Dr. Phil to find out why they're crying and fix it, or having to pack one of them around the whole time. I can't wait for the day when we can leave the kids home.

Then: Whenever we felt like it. Just another part of the day.

Now: Bedtime! Glorious bedtime! Welcome back, my dear friend.

I could really go on all day about this all day. You get the point though. In seven years, we'll probably be looking back at this time and thinking "Remember how nice it was back when the kids were little."

Wednesday, June 06, 2007

Let's Go Rangers

The Cub Scouts in our ward got group tickets to a Rangers game Tuesday night. Since Jared is in the Cub Scouts he knew about it, and since I have a way cool wife, she was willing to let me go to the game with Dylan. We had a pretty good time.

We had seats up in the nose bleeds, but you could still see the game pretty well. The first inning was pretty cool. The Rangers loaded the bases, and the fifth batter hit a Gran Slam. The next batter hit a triple, and they ended up scoring six runs in the first inning. We ate dinner there, which included a hot dog, a drink and a bag of Cracker Jacks, which all came to $16.75. I wonder why ballparks, Disneyland, and movie theaters have no sense of how much things cost in the real world. "How much is a hot dog? Let's say $4.50, that sound good. A cup of soda? $5.00, yeah that's about right." If I could get my hands on the people that makes those decisions, I would give them a stern talking to.

These (above) were not our seats

This is my attempt of a panoramic picture from where we were sitting.

Dylan lost interest in the game about the third inning. I took him walking around the park and I bought him a hat. He had no interest in wearing the hat at all. Its like the hat was a symbol of him missing his bedtime , and he was not happy with it. By the seventh inning he was crawling around me, the floor, other people desperately seeking comfort. He tried to eat stuff off the ground, but luckily I caught him before he got anything. I think.

He looked happy for a little while.

The Rangers closer Gagne got the save to end the game, and when I said the game was over, Dylan got excited and said "The game's over? Yeah!" It was the most excited he was all night. After the game was over, he would actually hold his new hat, and he said he had fun.

I thought it was way cool. Just walking in the stadium and seeing the size of it was amazing. We even got to see Sammy Sosa bat, so that was awesome. All in all it was a very fun, and we'll have to do it again sometime.

You can't really tell, but the white blip by home plate is Sammy Sosa.

Friday, June 01, 2007

Mr. Kunz May Kill Me

Back in high school I had a computer class taught by Mr. Bart Kunz. He is a pretty good guy, and I think I learned Pascal in that class, which I have never looked at since then. He had a few rules about the computer lab, but the main rule was "No drinks allowed!!!" Whenever anyone broke that rule, he would make idle threats about grade deductions and give these soapbox speeches about how a spilled drink could ruin computer equipment.

I kind of remembered him today at work. Why? Well, the good Lord chose not to bless me with good looks, charm, or very much coordination at all. I was drinking a Mountain Dew (because what else is there to do at work?) and my brain and my hand had a minor disagreement or something, because as I was picking up my drink, I somehow ended up spilling 2/3 of it all over myself, my desk, and *gasp* my keyboard. Oh no, all those warnings from Mr Kunz went unheeded and now my keyboard was covered in liquidy stickiness.

Ya know, when you're drinking a 12 ounce can of pop, it doesn't seem like there's a whole lot there. When you spill that same amount of liquid on a keyboard, it makes you wonder where it all came from.

After the shock had worn off and I realized that Mr. Kunz is in Wyoming and was probably teaching Algebra to a bunch pimple faced airheads at the time, I started cleaning up my mess. It's a good thing I don't have any delusions of being cool, because I probably looked pretty dorky walking to the bathroom with my pants covered in Mountain Dew. I cleaned up as best I could, but if you take a look at your keyboard, you may notice that it may not be that easy to clean pop underneath or between the keys.

Sorry Mr. Kunz, I spilled pop on my keyboard and may have ruined it. Oops. My bad. To make it up to you:

echo "I will not spill Mountain Dew on my keyboard. ";