Have You Seen This Person?

ALIASES: I Don't Know, I Didn't Do It, It Wasn't Me, Huh?, and [scapegoat of the day] Did It

WANTED FOR numerous violations including:

Spilling milk on the floor and leaving it there to dry

Waking the baby up from her nap

Drawing pictures on the wall

Pulling all the toilet paper off the roll and leaving it on the bathroom floor

Not flushing the toilet

Helping themselves to Capri Suns and taunting the authorities by leaving the evidence of this transgression in plain sight

Touching DVDs and leaving child-sized fingerprints all over them

Leaving all the pointy toys in the hallway for dad to step on in the middle of the night

Eating Pop Tarts outside the kitchen

Setting the DVR to record ALL episodes of Dan Zane's House Party and Paid Programming on channel 52.

CONSIDERED ARMED, LEGGED, AND EXTREMELY MESSY

IF YOU HAVE ANY INFORMATION CONCERNING THIS PERSON, PLEASE CONTACT YOUR LOCAL FBI OFFICE OR THE NEAREST U.S. EMBASSY OR CONSULATE, OR A PARENT, BECAUSE "NOT ME" HAS A LOT OF EXPLAIN' TO DO.

REWARD

The FBI is offering a reward of up to $100,000 for information leading directly to the arrest of Not Me. Parents are offering bribes of an extra cup of juice or a selection of any piece of Halloween candy (it's still good) for information leading to the cessation of Not Me's reign of terror.