Friday, August 31, 2007

Molar Bear

I HATE POTTY TRAINING! I mean, I absolutely, positively, beyond a shadow of a doubt despise potty training! The process at our house has gone remarkably slow with Dylan. Andi was completely potty trained by the time she turned 3, with not even so much as a nighttime accident since. This may sound like bragging, but believe me I have absolutely no reason to brag when you look at how poorly the process is going with Dylan. We're not talking 1 step forward, 2 steps back. It's been more like 5 rungs up on a ladder, only to lose your footing and plummet to the ground again so fast the bruise lasts for a month. Yesterday, Dylan came to me in a panic that he had pooped. I wasn't surprised; I was irritated, but not surprised. My irritation turned to outright rage when I saw that he was wearing big boy underpants. Not a pullup, but honest to goodness superhero underoos. He told me that Andi had given them to him. Of course! Why shouldn't Andi have the authority to give him big boy underpants? After all, she's the one that does all the laundry, and can operate the carpet cleaner, makes perfect sense, doesn't it? I dragged him into the bathroom (and yes I mean I DRAGGED him, because every time I told him to get in the bathroom, he looked at me as if 1) I was speaking a different language, or 2) like he had no idea that our house contained any of these alien things called "bathrooms".) and told him to hold absolutely still while I tried to shimmy these diarrhea filled underpants down his legs, without making too big of a mess. I don't know what part of "hold still" actually means "when I get these underpants almost completely off, I want you to jump out of them as quickly as you can, so that poo will cover everything within a 2 foot radius, including your mother" but apparently, I don't know much about such things. I get him cleaned off and in a diaper (yes, I was so frustrated, I reverted him back to diapers, until he's a little more serious about doing this again.) and sent merrily on his way. Then I clean up the bathroom, and set out to clean up the puddle he had left in the middle of the kitchen floor. My only hope for him is that he will be potty trained before he outgrows every size of diaper in the infant department. I would really hate to go to the store to buy him "Depends" and have people think that I'm the one with the incontinence problem. Okay, so maybe that's more a wish for myself than for Dylan, but I'm sure his wife would appreciate if he's potty trained at some point.

If there is anything that comes even close to my dislike for potty training, it would have to be TEETHING. Peyton has been working on getting his bottom molar on the right side, and has been letting us know it for several weeks. When Dylan cut his molars, he cut them all at the same time, so we had a miserable few weeks, and it was over. I don't think we're going to be so lucky with Peyton. I try to tell myself that he's in pain as he follows me around whining and crying all day. He is being really needy, which I understand, and would normally enjoy, but my maid seems to have gone on vacation and left utter devastation behind. I'm trying to get caught up, and just as I start to see a light, my laundry fairy up and quits. So, as much as I would love to cuddle a crying baby ALL DAY LONG, I just don't have the time.
I really need to stop having kids so that these two miserable stages will eventually be over and done with, for good. Aubrey and I keep saying that we're going to take a vacation without the kids. The only flaw in the plan is that one or both of us have been nursing babies the entire time we've known each other. Again, we need to stop having kids. Someday...


Anonymous said...

I know how you feel. I keep thinking that someday Hailey will be potty trained, hopefully before we send her off to school for the first time. For a few days we even thought that Sarah would be potty trained before Hailey since she seemed to be so anxious about going...if only that had lasted. So, after this baby comes we'll still probably have three kids to buy diapers/pull-ups for- something I'm not looking forward to.

Sounds like things have gotten even more exciting since we were there this last weekend. I wish I could say my kids left the screaming at your house, but unfortunately it seems to have followed us home.

Mandy said...

I bought a potty training book that claims you can have a 24 month old mostly trained in one weekend and fully trained in 2-3 weeks. The catch is you need to take a vacation to spend one-on-one time with the toddler. I'm just starting with Sabian, and it never fails that the time he needs to go potty or has an accident I'm in the middle of nursing the baby. Hopefully despite my busy life we can get through this within the year. Good luck guys, I feel for you.