Wednesday, March 05, 2008

I Hate Dentists Chapter 27

"Dentists tell you not to pick your teeth with any sharp metal object. Then you sit in their chair, and the first thing they grab is an iron hook."

(The rest of this segment can be seen here.)
Good watching if you have 8 minutes to burn.

Sam and I went to the dentist today for the "cleaning". Cleaning is a euphemism they use to lure you into their office and assault you with the tiny metal hook of death. When it was my turn in the chair, the hygienist asked the usual "are you flossing?" question, to which I gave the usual "no" answer. Flossing is one of those things like exercising and eating right that I know I should do, but I don't feel like doing. I should add it to my list of New Year's Resolutions. Apparently she wasn't too impressed with the old Jeff Foxworthy joke "I guess the last time they were flossed was when YOU did it" because soon after I said that she brought out the metal poking device and proceeded to poke me in the gums. She went around my mouth digging her metal hook into my gums next to each tooth. I guess she was measuring something because she kept saying something about the depth of something was too deep and that I needed to floss. I didn't really catch what she was saying because I was resisting the urge to head butt her.

After that was finally done, she brought out the scraping hook to scrape the whatever it was off my teeth. I don't think there was anything there, I'm guessing she was having fun and wanted a reason to poke me some more. Hey, my eye was pretty close by, why didn't you just poke me there too while you were at it? Punk.

After that was all said and done, she mentioned something about needing to schedule a "deep cleaning" to clean below my gum line. I didn't really catch what she was saying because I was trying to figure out where she lives so I can toilet paper her house this weekend. So in two weeks I get to go back to get poked some more. That's something that you can't say is better than a poke in the eye, because at least with the eye poke it's one poke (maybe two if they're mean) and it's over, whereas with the teeth poking you have like what, 47 teeth and they poke each one 50 times? That's a lot of poking.


Anonymous said...

I read this before we went to bed last night and I laughed so hard my contact came out!

beckyjune said...

So funny. You don't even know how funny...I had to go to the dentist for one of those scrapings this week, too, and I lost count of the number of times I jumped from her jabbing that hook in too hard.